Bollocks!

The title of today's entry is in homeage to the Royal Wedding--and is unfortunately very representative of my week.

This week has consisted of fun things like a trip to the ER, empanadas, a catscan (wiiiiiith contrast), a run in with french fries, daily needle torture, the ear of a a chocolate bunny, a spleen scan, gyros, news that I might not be able to go to Morocco, and only working out once.

But the utter highlight of this week is being put on a steroid with a primary side effect of weight gain.  Yup, you heard it right...I am now taking drugs that are at least in part counter-productive to my quest.

Pity party--table for one!

Avoidance

My most recent SOP has been one of avoidance--avoiding the scale, avoiding this blog, avoiding thinking about lack of cardio, avoiding dwelling on diet transgressions.  In a nutshell, avoiding reality.

After much prodding from various angles, today I bit the bullet and made the trek to Weight Watchers.

Ugh.

Utterly, completely, entirely to my surprise my last couple of weeks with my head in the sand resulted in a 5.4 lb loss--down 50 lbs total!

I guess I am more on the wagon than I'd thought.  Imagine what will happen when I focus!

Stalled

Well, it's official.  I'm in a lifestyle plan rut.

Three weeks ago: up .2 lbs (NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!)
Two weeks ago: down 2.8 lbs
Last week: down .4 lbs

Total loss: 3 lbs
Avg per week: down 1 lb
Previous avg per week: down 2.8 lbs

UGH

Clearly some rejiggering is warranted.  Perhaps in the form of eating less and working out more.

Hmmmm....

Worth a thought.

Jumbo Skittles

This entry is not for the squeamish.  Reader discretion is advised.

Fat lingerie.  Sounds like an oxymoron, eh?  And perhaps it should remain that way.  Lemme tell ya, there are few experiences like going to a lingerie store for fat people. 

You would think that a fat lingerie store would consist of black garments of various lengths.

NOPE.

Very few people look good in flourescent orange, hot pink, or shocking blue.  Yet, there were racks and racks of frilly smocks just begging to make victims resemble giant, jiggly skittles. 

Not a black number in the place.  Is this a JOKE?

In my humble (and jumbo) opinion, there should be a size limit to a lime green teddy and a bright orange thong should be reserved for Victoria's Secret models.

It's like whomever designed this "sexy" garb has never encountered a person larger than a size 2. 

I feel shortchanged and under-represented.

I think I just might have to write my Congressman.

Fat Day

Today I'm having a fat day...or should I say an especially fat day...b/c I'm clearly fat every day.

Anyhow.

Today I stepped out of the shower feeling fatter than normal.

It may have to do with two nights in a row of being less than angelic on the eating front compounded with not training since Tuesday.

Though I did do some walking yesterday.  Which was comedy in and of itself.

I discovered that apparently in a past life I was a drill sergent or something.  Here's how it played out.

Boyfriend and I went walking on a mile-ish loop in the burbs.  Yeah, I said it, I hang out in the burbs upon occasion.......

Upon completion of the first (and what the boyfriend hoped would be the last) loop, I apparently decided that we had not been getting enough exercise. Soooo....for the second loop that I tricked my poor guy into, he was subjected to me forcing him into sprint-walking 1 minute on- 1 minute off.   All the while shouting "Come on!  We can go faster!" And when he got shin splints, I found myself saying something akin to "suck it up." 

I guess I should probably never be a trainer.  Good times.

Whew!

When I woke up this morning I coulda sworn that I looked fatter...from all angles.  I put on a dress that I had worn a week ago, and was convinced that it wasn't going to fit.  I could definitely see each and every tortilla chip that I big time cheated and had last week.  Every sip of wine was returning for payback. 
And so I was TERRIFIED to step on the scale this am--so trepidatious that I managed to make excuses for two whole days to not weigh in.  I peed like 3 times to ensure that I was not going to be charged for even an extra ounce.

Apparently somehow I managed to get back on track--down another 2.8 lbs; 45 lbs total.

And now I look in the mirror and the dress looks different--the chips and booze have disappeared.

GO FIGURE.

Consequences

I'll start this tale with its unhappy ending--I GAINED .2 (point two) pounds last week.

This is the first time in 15 weeks that the scale has not moved in the right direction.

I'm bummed.  But I also totally get it.

Last week I.....
-trained only once
-had a few drinks a few more times than once
-ate Mexican twice
-ate dim sum once

When I laundry list it, it seems amazing that I pretty much stayed flat.

What is truly remarkable is that I feel the point two pounds all over my body.  I swear I see it in my (insert any body part here).  My clothes are tighter--no really.

Ok, maybe my body hasn't changed for the negative--but the feeling of such was enough to push me out of bed before dawn this morning and to the trainer.

This is a story that WILL NOT be repeated next week.

Freaky Friday

I, along with most people I know, am very fortunate.  This is something that I am acutely aware of, and try to remind myself of often.  Overall, I am one lucky, lucky girl.

Today, in addition to being "blessed" (yes, I said it)...I am also feeling fat and grumpish.

Let's just say that the day did not start well. 

I managed to cause a tiff with my boyfriend before 7am--now THAT'S talent.  And start the day running late.

I scramble home to find my almost perfect little pug puking her little guts out.  A good lesson to avoid eating from the trash can.

I then learn that my poor Grammy has taken a fall and is in some not so good shape.  This is when being emotionally close yet geographically far apart is tough.

And to round the morning out, I feel uber fat and uncute.

I think I'll spend the afternoon counting my blessings--of which, there are many, many, many.

Back in the Game

As I may have mentioned 87 times or so, the transition into working and boyfriending has been tough on my new lifeplan.  Woe is me....

Solid news.

It looks like I just may be back in the game.  For the first time since starting my new gig (and coincidentally, new guy), I went to the trainer 3 times last week...and did cardio another couple.  Add to that a reasonable week of eating and it's almost like I'm back in business!

Even better news.

The scale reflected the changes--down another 5 lbs...42 big ones total! 

Yahoo!

HELL YES!

4-ish years ago I lost 40-ish lbs in 2-ish months.  Not safe, I know.  But damn--I looked good.  And in celebration, I hastily got rid of all of my "fat clothes" and got a whole new wardrobe.  Not smart--considering I gained it all back and then some after about a year.

Since then it's been a bit of a struggle on the fashion end of things.  And since I've started this new lifestyle dealio my short term goal has been to fit into that "new wardrobe" of several years ago.

So...drum roll please.....

Last night I tried on my smallest pants from days gone by.  They aren't so cute just yet, but I got them on without so much as a tug. 

AND I am pretty darn giddy to share that today I am wearing a dress that I have not looked cute in, in eons.  Though I am still roughly 10 pounds shy of where I left off 4 years ago, I must say I am looking pretty slammin today.

I am counting the minutes until the day when I can regale you all with stories of wearing each and every piece of that old-new wardrobe.

Slowly but Slowly..er..Surely

Last week I lost one pound.  Yup, one.  Which is certainly better than gaining a pound, or even an ounce.

It's just slow.  Oh so slow.

Not that I earned more than that--because I didn't.  Another challenging eating and rough workout week.  My training last week was truly awful.  I just couldn't get my head (or body) in the game.  Every weight felt twice as heavy; the hour twice as long.  I think it's because I had been off my cardio.  My body teaching me a lesson.

This week has been better.  I've worked out three out of four days--and I feel pretty darn good.  Eating out is still a challenge--but I'm doing ok with it thus far this week.  Making mostly good choices.

Glad to be back in the game.

Bullet Dodged

Yeah, so I ended up losing 3 lbs last week.  I was totally, utterly, and completely surprised.  And I totally, utterly, and completely did not deserve it.  Not one ounce of it.  Well, mayyybe a couple of ounces.

And I'm totally, utterly, and completely not taking it for granted.

At the risk of sounding like a whiner, balancing has proven to be a bigger challenge than anticipated.  Though I don't have to be at the office until 9:30am, sleeping till 8am is much more enticing than a date with the elliptical.  And oh how I still love enjoying a margarita (or 5) with friends.  I know, I know..rough life.

Bottom line has to be: no more excuses and no more games.  It is imperative that I get 100% back on track.

I know I've been saying this for a couple of weeks now--but I think I'm actually starting to mean it.  Having my mom as a partner in crime will help.  Three weeks of birthday festivities has left the wagon in the dust for her.  But we are recommiting to holding each other accountable. 

I'm gonna be uber pissed when I'm back to it next week and I lose less than the 3 lbs that I half-assed last week.  LOL.

D Day

Well, this is it.  The day that all of this being not so on the wagon catches up with me.  I mean, it's not a certainty....but I'm pretty convinced that when I hop on the scale this evening, it will not be smiling back at me. 

And truly, it's no one's fault but my own.  Before I get a round of hate mail, lemme tell ya that I am acutely aware of the consequences of my inoptimal decisions.  I haven't been horrible, but I also haven't been great. This life balance thing has proven to be tough.  And I did NOT leave a life in San Francisco to do anything but be committed to this. 

So...when I meet my fate this evening...I will bitch a lot..and "whoa is me" a bit...and then I will recommit.  To myself.  And to doing what I gave up a whole heck of a lot to achieve.

Crisis Averted

Last week I was an utter workout failure--the gym didn't see my sweaty face for 11 whole days. Yup, I said it.  I did not work out for 11 days straight.  No joke.  No good.

This is not something that I am proud of.  Even a little.  I mean, I coooooould blame my trainer who stranded me by going on a fabulous Turkish vacay for a week.  Or I coooooould blame the new job, or maybe the new guy.  However, no one really is responsible except me.  Sad but true.

Now, this should be the part where I tell ya that karma is a bitch.  That I gained half the weight back, or whatever. 

But get this.  I LOST weight--4.4lbs to be exact.  That puts me at 33 lbs down total.

Can you believe it?!?!?!

That was not 4.4 lbs that I earned.  That 4.4 lbs should have been granted to someone far more deserving.

But it wasn't..and I'll take it...all the way to the gym!

Hallelujah!

I have never been so happy to lose .6 (point 6) lbs in my life.

Lemme tell ya. 

When I stepped onto that scale this morning for the first time in 11 days (shame on me!!!), I was fairly certain that the needle had been inching in the wrong direction. That would have truly devastated me.

Being back into real life the last couple of weeks has been rough--good....but tough.  I am slowly learning to balance and was afraid that my stumbles had set me back.

Fortunately the cosmos seems to be smiling on me.  I have been granted a chance to resume my place firmly on track without having lost ground.

For that, can I get a HALLELUJAH!?!?!

Motivation

The last week or so has been a bit of a bummer for me, as far as resisting temptation goes.

As I may have mentioned, each morning my bed beckons me to stay in it in lieu of a rendezvous with the gymnasio before work.  Last week the bed won five out of seven times.  Ungood.

As I have not yet mentioned, I am dating this great new guy.  And as we explore the city together my old habits of how to fully experience things have a tendency to kick in.  The food choices made this week were not always bad, just not always great either.  Also ungood.

And so, I woke up this morning searching for motivation to make it a better week of staying on track. 

I found that motivation, in the form of an unexpected email from a colleague whom I respect immensely both professionally and personally.  In sharing with me how my quest has impacted him, he helped me relocate my focus and determination.  My motivation intensified his motivation, which in turn rekindled my motivation. 

I guess random events sometimes aren't so random afterall.

Tricky

Alright.  I admit that this whole life change thing whilst working is a bit more challenging than anticipated.

When deciding to take on the new gig, I thought to myself  "all I have to do is wake up at 5am to work out every day--no problem!"

PROBLEM.

Humans should not be awake before the sun (unless hanky panky is involved).  That's the whole purpose of a sunrise--to tell the world that it is time to gear up.  It is utterly unnatural to say good morning before Mother Nature has. 

I firmly believe this.  Yet, this morning I found myself face to face with my trainer before one ray of sunlight had hit the ground.

There is clearly something wrong with this picture.

Hilarity

So, yesterday I got scolded.  By the Weight Watchers leader.  For losing weight too fast.

Now, in all seriousness, I understand the premise--there is a healthy rate at which to lose weight.

It was just kinda a funny scene.  You know, having to keep a straight face while being admonished for being too successful.  I don't think I did that great of a job of not cracking a smile--considering that I was literally almost jumping for joy when the scale reported me down.

And then I surprised myself.  Ya see, you get a token for different milestones--in this case, it was a 25 pounder.  And instead of tossing it into the bottom of my purse, I immediately and proudly affixed it to my keychain.  Yes, me.

So, we're lookin at down 7 lbs for the week--28 total for 10 weeks.  It may be "too fast", but I'll take it.  Particularly as I am learning to balance my new big girl job and the lifestyle change. 

Week 11, here I come!

Riddle Me This...

A few tidbits have dumbfounded me lately......

How is it that I find myself writing a February newsletter for The Chocolate Bar that is all about love, love, love, love and more love, yet I have no Valentine myself.  Bleh.

How is it that I start a new gig (surprise!) and I have 38 emails in my inbox before I even get there.  Lucky me.

How is it that I lost weight on the cruise and my mom gained, yet we ate the same food. Go figure.

How is it that I was EXHAUSTED when I got home from my first day back on the job when the most strenuous part of my day was being on the phone with IT for 3 hours.  Fun!

How is it that the salads at Barnaby's are just so darn good--I'm a total addict.  Scrumptious!

How is it that my last Weight Watchers meeting involved a call and response chant--and I actually did it.  Out of body experience.

And that's where my head is today.....

Viva Mexico!

Back on dry land.  And lemme tell ya being healthy whilst cruisin' is a bigger feat than I imagined.  Shocking, I know.

A few fun facts about our adventure in the sun:
-There are 14 occasions for meals each day; that is, if you ignore the fact that the pizzeria and deli are open 24/7.
-I have never ever ever seen fatter ugly people en masse in my life.  I'm not joking.  It was unbelievable. Where do these people come from.
-It is impossible (for me) to escape 2 days on Mexico's beaches without an encounter with a frosty beverage.  Guilty as charged.
-My mother and I should have worn shirts that said "anti-tourist".  No souvenirs, no playing dress up, no $500 bar tab, no visits to the formal dining room--mas fun!
-Towel animals are harder to make than it looks.
-The Carnival mascot strangely resembles a stuffed IUD (birth control device).
-Coconut water (the fad isotonic beverage) comes from actual coconuts--who knew!
-If you are on a double decker bus tour in Progreso, Mexico and the guide yells "duck-power lines," he means it.
-A great way to avoid the midnight buffet is to go bed before it starts.  And it is possible to have only tea whilst at high tea.  Much to my mother's chagrin.  
-Somehow, I managed to not gain weight.  Net-net, down .6 lbs.  I'll take it.

Back to the real world I go!